


Kurt and Blaine Anderson-Hummel Read Thirst Tweets

by InsightfulInsomniac



Series: dads!Klaine (aka the Adventures of the Anderson-Hummels and Co.) [35]
Category: Glee
Genre: Fluff, Future Fic, Humor, M/M, These kids are embarrassed, Thirst Tweets, dads!Klaine, married!klaine, this is just for fun, yes the buzzfeed interview
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-26
Updated: 2020-06-26
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:20:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24922957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InsightfulInsomniac/pseuds/InsightfulInsomniac
Summary: In promotion for the Broadway debut of “And So Subtlety Speaks,” a show that Kurt and Blaine are co-starring in as romantic leads, they are asked to create a video for Buzzfeed reading “thirst tweets” about themselves.Years later, their kids find the video, and are absolutely horrified.Fluff, humor, and a lot of fun.
Relationships: Blaine Anderson/Kurt Hummel
Series: dads!Klaine (aka the Adventures of the Anderson-Hummels and Co.) [35]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1364230
Comments: 40
Kudos: 143





	Kurt and Blaine Anderson-Hummel Read Thirst Tweets

**Author's Note:**

> This was totally inspired by Darren’s thirst tweets video that was posted a few days ago, because it was glorious. 
> 
> Also, you’ll recognize the show that Kurt and Blaine are in from my other fic, “Marital Affairs,” when they starred in its off-Broadway run! Years later (about six-seven), the show is adapted a bit and, thanks to its rave reviews off-Broadway, heads to Broadway. Klaine happily reprise their roles for its debut... and let’s just say, I’m not done with this show or klaine in this show just yet ;)
> 
> Also, thank you so much to the lovely people who provided me with thirst tweets via Instagram! Shout out to the thirst tweet writers: @cityofscreechingfangirls; @blaineanderzon; @anna.e.t; @amandarakcly
> 
> Y’all are the best! Enjoy!
> 
> Oh, here are the Klaine kids’ ages:
> 
> 1\. Tracy (19 in this fic)  
> 2\. Audrey (17 in this fic)  
> 3 and 4. Finn and Dalton (15 in this fic)
> 
> I imagine them finding this video about fifteen years down the road, for timeline’s sake!

“Hi everyone, I’m Blaine Anderson-Hummel,” Blaine waves once towards the camera, glancing over to Kurt, who’s seated next to him at the table.

“And I’m Kurt Anderson-Hummel,” Kurt finishes. “And we’re here with Buzzfeed today to read some thirst tweets.”

“How scandalous,” Blaine waggles his eyebrows, earning a fond chuckle from Kurt as they’re handed a small container with the words “Buzzfeed’s Thirst Tweets” printed on its side, filled with little slips of folded paper.

“Okay, okay, you pick first,” Kurt suggests, shaking the bucket gently to mix up the papers. Blaine reaches in and digs around a bit before grabbing one, unfolding it as Kurt leans in to read over his shoulder.

“Blaine Anderson could run me over with a bus and I would ask him to do it again,” Blaine laughs incredulously, shaking just head. “Oh my god, starting off with a little violence, I see.”

“Is that a... thing? For some people? I mean, I’m just wondering —“ Kurt raises his hands defensively. “Not that I’m judging! I’m just curious.”

“If I ever ran over anyone with a bus, I’d politely decline their request for me to do it again,” Blaine remarks. “Even if it was consensual. You pick next, babe.”

Kurt reaches into the bucket, producing another folded slip. “I don’t know who I’m more jealous of, Kurt or Blaine — they’re married to the 2 hottest men alive. With a little crying emoji.”

“Aw, this is actually kind of sweet,” Kurt smiles, setting the paper aside. “Thank you? I think?”

“I can guarantee that you all should be way more jealous of me,” Blaine declares. “I got the better end of the deal here.”

“Oh, stop it,” Kurt scoffs, rolling his eyes. “That’s ridiculously unfair to yourself — and, by default, to my taste in men.”

“Fine. Unless you are in the hopefully very small population of people who want to be run over by a bus that I’m driving, you should be more jealous of me. But I guess that bus sub-group would be more jealous of Kurt, however misguided that is,” Blaine amends, and Kurt rolls his eyes again.

“You can all be jealous of both of us. Or not, because I’m sure the right and hottest person for you is still out there if you haven’t found them already,” Kurt interjects. “Next one, B?”

“Can Kurt Hummel be my chiropractor? Because I’d let him blow my back out any day,” Blaine reads, raising his eyebrows. “Wow.”

“I’m not sure that’s what your chiropractor should be doing,” Kurt says slowly, on the edge of a laugh. “Literally or figuratively. Unless it’s consensual, I mean, but still.”

“I don’t know how to respond to that,” Blaine giggles. “Um... no? But I do see the appeal, so fair enough.”

“I’m... honored,” Kurt decides, nodding. “But considering that I am not a chiropractor, I can’t be yours, sorry. And I am very married, so I must also turn down your innuendo, despite its creativity.”

“Here, it’s your turn to choose,” Blaine holds out the container for him. “Pick your poison.”

Kurt snorts at that, unfolding a piece of paper. “Blaine has a perky and delicious behind that looks like it got baked to perfection by some sort of master chef.”

That sends Blaine into a fit of laughter, setting off Kurt’s own giggles. “Oh my god, wait, that’s hilarious.”

“Where do you come up with these things?” Blaine asks through his laughter. “I appreciate the sentiment, but oh my god!”

“I’ll conclude this one with a resounding yes,” Kurt comments, putting the paper aside. “I agree.”

Kurt shakes the container again, letting Blaine pick out their next tweet. “Kurt Hummel could choke me anytime he wants and I’d thank him.”

“Uh, okay,” Kurt begins, just taking it in as Blaine giggles beside him. “I’m so glad you’d put that kind of trust in me — really, I’m flattered, but honestly? Not that into breath play.”

Blaine chokes on a laugh, coughing a bit as he recovers. Kurt rubs his back gently. “Not making a good case for us, B.”

“Sorry, sorry,” he laughs still, reaching for the bucket. “Just move on and leave me to die. Your turn.”

Kurt shakes his head fondly. “Alright, here we go... I wonder what Klaine’s acceptance speech would be like when they win the best Kama Sutra Practitioner Award... tips?”

“Um,” Blaine coughs out another laugh. “Well, we’d be honored to accept, sure. I’m not sure how the speech would go, though...”

“It would definitely be a unique addition to our resumés,” Kurt adds. “But as for tips, not to sound like dads, but seriously, consent and communication. It doesn’t spoil the mood, I promise.”

Blaine nods. “He’s right. And don’t be afraid to try something new every now and again, as long as you and your partner are on the same page.”

“No one asked for a sex talk, but there you have it,” Kurt grins, passing the bucket back to Blaine.

“I’d literally sell my soul to switch bodies with Blaine Anderson for one day just so I could worship Kurt Hummel with my mouth,” Blaine reads, nodding. “Please keep your soul, and I’ll keep my husband, thanks.”

Kurt snorts. “It’s not that exciting, I promise.”

“He’s lying,” Blaine quips, passing the bucket back. “Not to make anyone more jealous, but yeah.”

“The two words I associate with Blaine Anderson,” Kurt reads, having unfolded the next tweet. “Lips and hips. That is all.”

“I mean, sure?” Blaine responds, shrugging. “If I’m being honest, I think there are a few other words I’d like to be remembered by, but I can’t exactly complain.”

“I think I’ve gotten to the point of realizing that the people writing these might not be focused on the more... _complex_ parts of us at those moments,” Kurt remarks. ”So I think it’s okay to say you can’t complain.”

Blaine nods, picking out another tweet. “You’re right. Okay, here’s another one — Kurt Hummel’s arms light my insides on fire, and don’t get me started on his jawline.”

“Oh my god,” Kurt laughs. “This whole concept is an incredible ego boost.”

“Spoiler alert — this was ghostwritten by me,” Blaine deadpans, smirking in Kurt’s direction. “I don’t see anything wrong with it.”

“Me neither,” Kurt teases, taking the container back. “Last one! Any time Kurt or Blaine sings, I remember why I’d let them destroy me together.”

“Thanks for letting us do it together,” Blaine grins. “Marriage?”

“Marriage,” Kurt agrees. “But on the topic of singing, which thank you so much for what I’m carefully assuming is a compliment, we are actually co-starring on Broadway right now!”

“Yeah! Come catch us in the newly-adapted musical _And So Subtlety Speaks_ ,” Blaine continues with a smile. “Some of you might remember our off-Broadway run from a few years ago, and we’re returning to reprise our roles as Joseph and Teddy in its Broadway debut!”

“Tickets are available now,” Kurt adds. “So if you want to see more of us, that’s what we’re working on!”

“Big thanks to Buzzfeed for having us,” Blaine says. “And thank you to all of you for your tweets, no matter how thirsty they are.”

******

“Who thought this was a good idea?” Dalton cries, cringing as his dad’s voice saying “breath play” is irreversibly burned into his brain. “Why was this put out into the world?”

“I mean, we know people love them, but like, people basically thought they were Broadway sex symbols,” Tracy remarks, mortified. Audrey gags at her words.

“People still do,” Finn groans, shuddering as his dads are now talking about the Kama Sutra onscreen, of all things. “I had a girl at school actually tell me that Dad and Pops are quote — ‘daddy material.’”

“Nope. Nope,” Audrey grabs the remote, moving to turn off the TV. “I’ve had enough of this disastrous trip down memory lane!”

“Wait, no — we have to finish it! We’re in too deep,” Dalton argues, and Finn’s jaw drops. 

“Did you not just watch them read about someone wanting to worship Dad with their mouth?” He exclaims, gesturing to the TV.

“Excuse me?”

All four kids turn to see said Dad walking into the living room, concern morphing into amused recognition when he notices the video playing on the screen. “Oh my god, why are you watching this?”

“This is the most horrifying press you’ve ever done,” Tracy deadpans. “You had kids when this was released; did you not think about them finding this?”

Kurt shrugs, grinning. “I mean, not really. Neither of us expected for you to go looking for it or watch it if you found it. It’s all in good fun.”

“I’m scarred for life,” Audrey remarks, and Blaine strolls into the room at the commotion, groaning when he sees the TV screen.

“Why, out of everything on the internet, are you watching this?”

“You’re asking the wrong people,” Dalton responds. “I have no idea how we ended up here.”

Blaine sighs, but not without an amused smile. “You know, when we did this interview, all of your grandparents were really excited about watching the press that came out about the musical. You know, because it —“

“...was the show that changed your lives, we know,” the kids say in unison, to which Kurt rolls his eyes.

“It was getting a lot of talk, that’s all,” Blaine continues. “So, your grandparents were following it really closely in the weeks leading up to its debut. This was the one interview that we warned them not to watch.”

“And yet, your mom still watched it,” Kurt sighs, shaking his head. “She thought it was funny, at least. I’ve never asked my parents if they saw it — I never want to know.”

“Oh, I’m sending this to Grandpa Burt and Nana, no context,” Audrey remarks, earning a sharp look from her dad.

“Audrey, you’d better not —“

She grins. “Relax, Dad. If they have to watch it, I want to be there to witness their reactions.”

“Absolutely not,” Blaine retorts, and she just laughs.

“When are we going to visit them next?”

“ _Oh my god_.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for everyone who has been sending me prompts lately! A sneak peek as to what I’m working on:
> 
> A 5 times fic with Klaine at awards shows
> 
> A 5 times fic with Klaine’s anniversaries 
> 
> A continuation of some season 3 Klaine/finchel
> 
> And more!
> 
> Thank you so much for your unending support and patience when it comes to these prompts. I really want to fill them, but I do have writer’s syndrome in which I start one prompt then get totally overtaken by another idea!
> 
> Anyway, y’all are the best. Your kudos and comments mean the world to me.
> 
> Find me on Instagram: @insightful.insomniac
> 
> Find me on tumblr: @zigxzag-klaine


End file.
